I have 15 months of sobriety.  My relationship with my parents is so greatly improved, it’s hard to recognize it.  I have real, healthy, vibrant friendships with real, healthy, vibrant people.  I have friends who support me and who come to me for support & uplifting.  I have a valuable perspective for people to hear, and am happy to let it go when a relationship doesn’t really feed me in a helpful way.  Not all relationships are two way streets, some are meant for me to support someone else and others are meant for me to get support.  The best ones do some of both.  I can connect with people in so many ways – yoga, self healing, mindfulness, Christianity, marriage struggles, authoring a book, small business ownership, dog rescue, homeschooling, fundraising, AA, the insanity of alcoholism, porn addiction, so much.

In my therapy appt today, we talked about my challenges of this week (2 + husband gone for camping weekend, a birthday kiddo, and too much free time, first yoga teaching class coming up) and we also talked about how I developed the poor coping mechanisms I use today.  When we were discussing my parents, I talked about how I can see now that I made it so much worse than what it needed to be, all those years.  I had expectations of my mother to act a certain way- a way that I deemed “motherly.”  When I treat her like a normal person, let go of the fact that she is my “mom,” our interactions are capable of being quite pleasant.  Not amazing, not nurturing, not a great connection, but just fine, which is all I could ever hope for.

I have read some amazing books and continue to work on my own.  I help others who are working on theirs.  I’m reading like a ravenous beast who survives on reading.  I’m practicing yoga daily, teaching it, learning it, absorbing it all.  I’m praying all the time in some form or another.

Things are really good.  Therapist said this morning that the ways in which I “acted out” as a child/teen/adult in self harm, addiction, room spinning anxiety, depression, more self harm – are all in proportion to the emotional/mental neglect/abuse from my childhood.  That if you don’t learn how to cope with things, you don’t have healthy ways to cope with things…. duh, right?  I’m seeing some new light and grasping a new understanding.  A fresh perspective on old problems.  I’m so thankful.

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