after a delicious day of being totally in tune with God, with my body, with what I’m going through… after a morning of being active and after a night of talking to two wise, beautiful, strong, smart women for a very long time, gleaning dozens of pieces of their insight… after praying and just staying PRESENT with my thoughts and using 110% of my effort towards simply staying here… the pressure still comes.

It is 3:31 pm.  I started my day, lying in bed reading page 86 & 87 this morning around 7:30 am.  Since then, I have repeated in my head “please direct my thinking.”

I reread the pages just an hour ago.  “Thy will be done.”

Still, the pressure is upon me.  Just pushing and pressing and wanting something.

So.  Instead of pacing around and feeling it and feeling it, I called R.

I realize right now, this afternoon, that a huge error on my part is that I don’t all until it’s too late.  I don’t call until I’m too far gone, and then while it does still help, it doesn’t help nearly as much as it could.

In 6 minutes, R talked to me, heard me, and offered an idea.  Do yoga.  Done 2 hours almost already this morning. Then read this: “Acceptance is the answer” page 407.  Highlight what speaks to you most and we’ll discuss.  This will also work towards qualifying you as a true alcoholic.  That is important because the program won’t work unless you truly accept fully, that you are, completely alcoholic.  So, that’s important.

This woman is on fire.  I love it!  I’m also going to right now, push the button and NOT drink or binge eat, I will feel the pressure and redirect myself to read, stretch, make a fire in my cold house… something.

God is directing my thinking.  I thank Him for allowing it to “occur” to me to make that phone call earlier than normal.