So I feel like I have all these stupid ridiculous silly problems that are really often not “problems” at all, but my poor attitude makes them into problems….

Let me list them to get them out of my system and see how silly they are.  Or not.

First, the problems:
Pressure and anxiety physically pressing on my chest, neck and torso all day hurting me.
Ate nearly one week’s worth of food today, 90% carbs.
Seeing M in KB driveway not once but twice, and then M calling me of course today with a demanding tone.
Unsure of how to handle M.
Hurtful visit with J.  Unsure of how to handle J.
Felt guilty telling C that I wanted R for sponsor.
H does not understand my compulsions or what drives my behaviors and choices at all.
Today I felt like God gave up on me.
(* I did all of the lists and come back to them and when I read these problems…. I see that not one of them is likely to be a big deal at all.  I mean…. #1 was very hard, but it’s OVER now, so… that’s that.  #2 was awful indeed, but it too is BEHIND me.  The others are not really problems…. except the last one… I need to do some praying.  Ok- This is a good exercise for mental health!)

Now the good things:
My husband is so supportive, even if he does not “get it” he loves and cares for me so much.  Our 2.0 marriage is astonishing and powerful and beautiful.
I am developing friendships with new people at church & aa and maintaining other newish friendships which are so special and wonderful.  I have a wonderful friend, T, who is supportive and encouraging and it is such a HEALTHY relationship for once in my life!
I was able to CALL PEOPLE on the phone today who helped me greatly.  Yesterday too, actually.
I love my house.
I love my church, the people, the worship, the everything.
I can’t believe how blessed I am with my children and new marriage.
I haven’t drank since Jan.  That is good progress.
I am secretly oddly happy H got a new truck.
I adore my daily life with the children.
My Creator has carried me thorugh some of the hardest things I could have imagined.
I am looking forward to our summer filled with fun adventures.
I was able to bless Laticia today and learn and grow from it.
I did not drink or physically injure myself today.I am taking unprecedented time for myself between AA meetings and evening yoga classes.  I think I am on an extreme end for now but within a few weeks that should even out and settle at 2-4 nights per week.
I am getting jobs and bringing in some money.
I am getting another tattoo.

These things are not quite “problems” but they do make me very uncertain:
Nervous about cravings and temptations in the environment during tattoo.Very anxious about M & J.
Anxious that I’m away too much in evenings.
Worried that this sobriety attempt is all for nothing.
I fear falling apart if I lost a child.  I think about this multiple times every day of my life.
I’m scared of how hard life has been at age 35 and worried about how much harder it will be.

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