Matthew 12:31-32 (NIV)
31 And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. 32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come

1 Cor. 6:18 (NIV)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

I wonder about and worry about that first one.  And my extreme sexual sins, knowing that they were morally wrong every time, will they be forgiven?  Have they been forgiven now that I accept Christ as my eternal Savior?  The evil that I spewed, the hate that I spread and the blasphemy that I spoke with such intensity, yet unknowingly and without understanding or faith or a kind heart… when I was a great player for Satan’s team…. will that be forgiven?  Will Christ’s blood cover me, despite this God-inspired verse saying that it will not be forgiven? 
Scary.  So much regret, and yet some spot of peace deep inside too.

I think that spot of peace amongst the sadness and remorse over how evil I used to be… I think and hope that it is authentic forgiveness from my Creator that I feel inside.  All I can do is repent, apologize from every cell in my body, pray, and work to shine God’s light to make up for it.  I know I “can’t” make up for it really…. but I am still so sorry.  For all that I’ve done, without heart and without God… I will have a long list of work ahead of me in step 4.

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