Things are going along nicely.  Quietly nicely and loud nicely sometimes.

So many good things have happened.  Occasional stumbling blocks and then more good things.

The naysayers don’t believe it, and I can understand how it looks from the outside, I definitely can.

What I’m here to write today is that with resilience and courage and about 2 thousand other things, a marriage can survive incredible hurt and betrayal and sadness.  Most of all, the necessary ingredient is God.

Call me crazy, but with my old heart, none of this would have been possible.  My creator lined up so many things to fall right into place because… he cares for me, he seeks to help me, to help me up when I fall, to challenge me, to push me, to indeed give me more than I can handle.

I can not explain in words on this wordpress blog how amazing it is to have helped others see His light through what he has done with me.  I can not convey the beauty in life, the beauty in my relationship, the strength and courage and change in my husband.  He has become such an unbelievably GOOD PERSON.  Just a good person!  One who enjoys the dinners I make, loves the way I touch him, loves the way I look at him and returns my desire.  He has become one who loves me the way I only dreamed of- loves me in his heart and with his body.  A few nights ago on the couch he put his face up towards the side of my head/shoulder area and just breathed me in. He… smelled my hair…?  He… breathed me in.  He loved me, he cherished me, he was glad to be with me.  All that, in one action that I never imagined possible in this relationship.

I thank God the first thing every morning and the last thing every night.  I praise him dozens of times throughout every day and ask for even MORE strength and courage and ability to walk in His light.

In my study group we were studying Galations.  With regard to Paul,

I weave it in to every facet of life.  The kids are being naughty: I ask them who they need to help them.  I yell unnecessarily at one of them: I close my eyes and be still and ask God out loud for patience and compassion.  I gag while picking up dog poop: I pray for strength.  It’s stupid silly LITTLE things that literally, I find God most amazing.  He has performed THE most amazing feat of all- giving me and my husband BOTH a brand new shiny warm heart full of love and patience and RESILIENCE and courage and the love of Jesus… what more can I ask?  Yet I do ask for more, over and over again I ask for more- and he willingly delivers.  Not always on my timeline, but on his.  God is amazing, life is BEAUTIFUL.

I shake my head in disbelief.  One year ago (!!!?)! I would never imagine that I believe so whole heartedly in our Creator God- yet here I am.  A church going, bible loving, Jesus lover.  I don’t know that I’d believe it to be sincere either had I not experienced it myself!  All I can do is encourage others, through my new website, through the church friends with whom I share life.  The transformation is incredible, unbelievable, and yet so real- here we are.  Just over one year since he returned from the Intensive with Doug Weiss.  A life changer.  It all started just about a year ago.

It was one year ago from the 11th of Feb that he FINALLY ADMITTED having sex with the prostitutes.  That it wasn’t “just” hand jobs and the occasional oral sex.  Of course I knew this.  I knew from the beginning, but waited.  Met him where he was, and waited.  I had no concept of meeting him where he was, yet it was what I did.  I was an impatient, uncaring, cold, demanding, discontent absolute bitch.  One that was bent on commitment, but still a bitch.  Yet I waited.  Somewhere in my heart of hating the idea of any “God,” I found this notion to accept what he offered, knowing in my heart that it wasn’t the whole truth (or even nearly), yet waiting.  Meeting him where he was, as I’d now say.

God was working.  He always has been, hasn’t he?  And he always will be.

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