Sometimes it hurts so bad.  It hurt again the other night.  For weeks before that, it did not hurt.  It was great, I rode the waves of joy, contentment, fulfillment, thankfulness.

But the sadness will always come back… hopefully just in longer intervals of being away.  The pain came again- it hurt.  To not know if I’m doing the right thing.  But then I pause.  And I know that it IS the right thing for this moment, because it is what I AM doing in this moment.  When it hurts, I let it hurt.  When the pain comes back, I let it come.  I let it wash over me, drown my heart, take my breath, and smash me into pieces left for nothing.

But then, the same thing always happens.  It’s been happening for months after each time the pain hits.

The thing that always happens is this:

I get through it.

I make the next best choice, do the next right thing.

So does he.

The right thing may not forever be to stay.  Some day, temptation may take me elsewhere.  Pain more than I can withstand may drive me away.  But today, and for the previous 9 months, I have made this choice and am thankful like no other.

This blog will remain.  It is helpful to me, even though it makes me look like a emotional wreck, it is real, raw, it is what it is.