I’m amazed by my husband.  It’s not that I’m not hurt by him or sweeping away the fact that I’ve been painfully betrayed by him, but I am amazed by him.

He can withstand SO FUCKING MUCH it’s unreal.

I took a deep breath and copied & pasted my blog posts.  Including the “what should I do- life with this silently or tell him and keep demanding MORE MORE MORE” … he took it in stride.  Through some tears (for both of us) we talked through everything.

What came of it is this:

I feel like since things are normal in life, since we are living a “normal” day to day life together, that this IS the new normal.  That there is no more big changing or improving to be had.

I was wrong.  He is still on a path of improvement, even in his step by step plan he is only in the middle.  He has a lot of work to do on SEEING me, on really seeing me for what I am and appreciating it and taking it in… but he is getting there.

Just because we are living a normal life together does not mean things will not still get better between us.  This is not the place of stalling and staying.

I also went back to the forum that helped me get to this point… it was utterly laughable and disappointing.  I had a few encouraging supportive messages from 1.5 months ago but the same uninformed, small minded people are still the uninformed small minded people.  I’m glad to be free of that.  All is fine and done there, I thanked those that helped me through the months and I dismissed those that … needed to be dismissed.  It still makes me laugh that people so easily placed me into a bucket with a label with others whose situations were SO unbelievably less extreme.  Human nature to be an idiot sometimes.  I’ve certainly been there.

I prayed and gave thanks for those on there who did support me.  Last night when I thought of all we’ve been through and how far we have come- I thought of those who were instrumental, and how even though I do not know them- they have a special place in my heart.  One of utmost appreciation and gratitude.  Life changing anonymous friends.