No Internet the past 5 days. Now vacation for 8 days and then moving week!  Husband had polygraph yesterday because of ED being more pronounced since moving back in, an specifically since business trip… Which was either all exaggerated in my head or a coincidence.  Either way, he is being truthful. I knew that though. Just like when I knew he was not being truthful. I trust myself and know that I can trust my gut going forward. Things are good. I feel so good about other recent decisions- it feels good to stand up for myself and have some healthy, respectful boundaries when people speak to me like a condescending dumbfuck OR simply are ignorant about social boundaries/expectations.  Some … “Encounters” were laughable in the gist of people’s self inflated mindset- it was really amusing to hear how some very different situations could try and talk down to be because oh, how they could relate. Laughable. Lighter without the baggage, as is life.  In real life and real friendships, it was hard with my best friend, to tell her that its difficult for me to hear about her affair, her lying to her husband, etc… But it was reasonable.

the next week will be fun. Hopefully. I feel lighter and so at ease with myself and with my choices. I feel bad for some people I know trapped in a swirl of self pity and indecision and toxic beliefs, but we all have to go through our own journey at our own pace and with our own results. i thank the gods and universe every day for the wise people who have come into my life and am thankful for those hurtful and irnorant ones have excused themselves from it.

Days have been long, packing, neighbor get togethers, kids activities- quality time in the back yard, on the porch, real communicating- real feelings. I’m smiling a lot more in life lately. I know it could be yanked from me again any moment but while it is good now, I am enjoying it.

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