Back to him asking how I would know about his progress and growth.

I won’t.  And I don’t want to and don’t need to.

He can be the judge of his worth of me when he’s ready, if he and I are both available at that time.  And then I can evaluate.

But what is it that I want?  What is it that I won’t accept in several months or a year or a few years that likewise, I wouldn’t accept now?

I should write these things down now while it is all fresh and raw so that I can remember and look upon this in the future.  No man will meet my every desire and expectation, but some may come close.  Some things are a requirement, some are not.  I do not “need” a man in my life, but when and if I do have one, he will meet most of these criteria.  This gets super long and specific.  It is a just for fun exercise but has a lot of truth in it.  I know no man is perfect, and I am far from perfect, but this is down to the details… therapeutic venting in a silly format.

The ideal man for me:

Our relationship needs to be primarily sexual, and secondly, it will be supportive/loving/kind.

I need to be seen.  Admired physically.  Adored for my body, generosity, kindness, soul, intelligence, capabilities, humor and wit.

He will put me in my place when I need it.

The man deserving of my love, support, strength, insight, sex, attention, devotion and commitment will believe in a higher power.  He may or may not worship at a church or building with a group.  He would be spiritually “open,” not  heavily into the norm of Christianity type stuff.  He will not have all the answers but will acknowledge that there is a creator in the universe, that it’s not all for nothing.

He will not be a verse-talking bible thumping church goer just to be seen.  He will know he is worth more than that.

He will have found ways to deal with his childhood mommy/daddy issues if he has them.  Simply thinking of his mother or father will not make them cry or shut down every time.  He will have a reasonably normal relationship with his parents, whether alive or dead, always putting me far, far above his parents as priority in his life.  He will not feel overly committed to them, will not take on guilt from his role in their relationship, yet will be respectful and kind to them, wishing to see them and contact them with boundaries, a healthy amount.

This man will be able to “let go” of their mother/father if they see that their mother/father is severely impacting their life in an unhealthy way.  He will make choices that are hard, but that are for the best, and he will NOT forever second guess or regret or feel guilt over those choices.

He will love my children for who they are and will bring out the best in me as their mother.  He will SEE me when I am mothering beautifully and will be tender with me, acknowledging my maternal instincts and loving ways.

He may or may not have children of his own.  He will always recognize his place and know that I am the final say, ultimately charge of my childrens upbringing.

This man will open up their heart and soul via words and emotions.  In context, this will not be squishy sweet, it will be open and intelligent and showing of feelings and soul.  They will love me fully, they will protect me.  They will protect me from hurt, from bad intentions.

They will guard me as their mate, they will VALUE me as their mate and not wish to put me into precarious situations.  They will make it easy to love them and continue to choose them.

He will be able to feel pain and fear and will be able to cry when it overwhelms him.  He will be able to convey genuine feelings, unafraid of them.

He will not apologize for piddly shit.  He will acknowledge, and then DO the right thing.  The word S-O-R-R-Y will be the most rare word ever spoken from his lips.

If he feels himself checking out of the relationship, he will man up and tell me.  If he still has love and desire for me and respects me as a person, he may offer me the chance and insight as to why he is shutting me out or checking out.  He will respect my stance within the relationship and give me a chance to meet his needs.

He will own his insecurities and acknowledge them intelligently.  He will learn from any moments of ignorance and apply them to his life.

He will read.  He may speak another language.  He will not be “too good” for people who speak other languages in our country.  He will not shun reading, he will wish to expand his knowledge, not leave it lifeless.

He will drink beer.  Not girly drinks or wine- beer.  He might be into fun, good, local beers or he might like cheap beers.

He will understand and accept the way society and sexuality between all humans works.

He will be kind to all service employees, giving respect and acting charismatically with everyone he encounters.  Everyone will enjoy his presence and company, from his coworkers to fast food restaurant employees to counter service people.  He will be able to get his way from customer service reps, he will use his charisma and way with words to reach a good outcome.

He will NOT be pro-abortion in general.  He will value animals and will be considerate of the environment.  He will not be feminine about these things but he will simply appreciate the world we live in instead of treating it like shit.

He will wish to make his higher power proud of him, not embarrassed by him.

If he has an addiction, he will fight it, seek help, and he will TELL ME, confident in my strength and support in him.  He will not hide it from me and sneak it around behind my back.  He will understand my strength and confidence in him and will believe in himself and me enough to share it with me.

He will not hide money, have secret credit cards or bank accounts or a secret cash stash.

He will not seek validation either sexually or emotionally outside of our relationship.  He will not see prostitutes or seek physical affections from other women.  He may masturbate without porn infrequently, but he will not use porn alone, to masturbate.  He will come to me when he has sexual desire or needs a release and I will happily oblige.

We will fight fairly.  We will FIGHT because we care.  Not fighting signifies not caring.  And because we will care for one another, we will fight.  It will not escalate to physical violence, threats or domination.  He will have mastered the art of angry sex and makeup sex.

He will never tiptoe around me.  He will recognize his desires ask for what he wants, and take them.

He will take up space in the world because he is worth it.  He will have excellent posture, a very strong chest and shoulders.  He will sit and stand as if he is in charge of the room, never as if he wants to shrivel away.  He needn’t be outgoing and talkative, but he needs to give off a sense of authority and mastery in all that he does.

He will be extremely financially responsible, live frugally, spending money in excess very minimally.  He will know how to save and invest very wisely.  He will splurge on experiences, not “stuff.”  He may enjoy a minimalist lifestyle, a modest home, and no car payments, debt, mortgage if possible.

He will not bring his work home with him as much as reasonably possible.  When he is at work, he will be working and when he is at home, he will be mine.

When he sees me being amazing, he will tell me.  When he is proud of me, he will tell me.  Or, he will “show” me by giving me special affection or sexual attention.

He will not walk around with his electronic device in front of him.  He will use it for communication and ease of business relations but it will not be glued to his hand.  He will turn the ringers off at night.

He will make a salary or commission enough to live on and build some savings.  He may even be self employed or own his own business.  He will show a great desire for more in many aspects of life, he will be ambitious.

He will see absolutely no value in sitting on his ass watching television or playing with his electronic device or video games.  He will be too busy living life and having friendships and relationships and DOING to sit on his ass having meaningless moments wasting his life away.

He will notice when I put in extra effort to look beautiful or do something special for him.  He will reward me with words or actions of acknowledgement.

He will meditate, he will pray, he will lift weights, he will fix and build things, he would want sex frequently and will frequently spice it up.  He will tell me what he loves about my body, what he wants to do with it, and in what ways it is perfect for him.

He will know how to lounge around but also how to go out and have a good time.  How to enjoy nature and hike and breathe in fresh air and also how to take me out to a bar and show me off.  He will know how to dress up and take me out somewhere fancy, as well as enjoy the city.

He will dress very well, always looking put together.  He will not change into pajama pants and a sweatshirt when he gets home from work.  He will put in the extra effort and work needed to always look good.

He will get haircuts frequently.  He will have facial hair.  He will shave his balls.  He may shave his head.  He will specify how he likes my body and general appearance presented to him.  He will buy me sexy things and tell me when to wear them.  He will not waste his money with things like flowers and chocolates.  He will love it when I initiate sexually.  He will want me sexually and devour me with his eyes, mouth, hands.  He will like some kinky shit and always press my boundaries.

He will appreciate my cooking and expect it of me.  He will let me serve him and will groan and grunt and audibly convey that he likes some things that I do.

He will place his hand on my lower back lightly when we walk, he will open doors for me, he will slide his hand over my breasts and grab my ass at any possible opportunity.

He will never peck kiss me.  If he deems me worthy of a kiss, he will make it worth it, every time.  Pecks are pointless.  His hands will roam when he kisses me.  He will always make me want more.  He will later give me more.  He will whisper sweet things into my ear.  Sexy things.  And when he reveals my body, he will have many delicious things to say.

He will defer to me to take care of home furnishings, décor, managing the children for the most part.  He will be a disciplinarian with the children and also playful and fun, leading them in masculine activities and sports.  He will never make a big financial or household decision without me.  He will occasionally “spoil” me with a starbucks, a facial, or manicure.   The best gift to me will be unexpected, strong desire leading to hot sex.

He will support me in my career ambitions.  He will highlight my potential and build me UP in all regards, not pull me down or neglect me.

He will take care of outdoor maintenance and other man jobs, including vehicle maintenance, as well as doing small tasks around the house like changing lightbulbs, unclogging drains, installing shelving.  He may enjoy motorcycles, dirtbikes, sand dunes, water, shooting, building, and pimped out trucks.

He will have local male friends whom he speaks to regularly (multiple times a month at least) and sees often.  He will go out at least every other week with small groups of friends, even if it is just hanging out in a friends man cave drinking beer for a few hours.  He will have zero female friends and will keep in touch with zero ex girlfriends.  He will omit toxic people from his life, because his time and energy is worth more than that.

He will listen to manly music.  Not the same music that pre-teen girls listen to, not music that my mom and dad listen to, not opera.  He will eat manly food.  Steak and meat.  He will never joyfully order salads.

He will swear when appropriate. He will not be uptight and prudish and nervous.  He will use language of strong desire in sexual context.

He will take care of his body.  He will lift weights like a man.  He will not do aerobics classes or run mindlessly on a treadmill.  He will take vitamins and eat healthfully and consciously.  He will not gorge himself at buffets or on bags of junk chips.  He will understand how human physiology works and realize that processed crap and a constant flow of sugar/carbs/chemicals is not taking care of himself.  He will not chew or smoke.  He will value himself more than that.

He will drink in moderation if he has no problem with regulating or addiction, and enjoy an occasional buzz from drinks with me.

He will take me dancing, unable to keep his hands off me.  He will run his hands up the back of my neck, on my scalp, and pull my hair when we are on the dance floor.  He will be erect almost the whole time that we are dancing and I am grinding on him to the music.

He will take me to a pool hall/golfing/shooting, we will share drinks, he will lean over me/wrap his arms around me to help me learn.  He will exude confidence in things that he does and things that we do together.

He will sometimes attack me sexually in the car.

He will pull his dick out at random and assume that I’ll give him what he wants, almost daily.  He will come home with desire from work.  He will stop in during lunch time for afternoon sex.  He will direct me as needed, sexually, very frequently.  Well into our relationship, he will be open to experimenting with BDSM, D/S stuff, and lots of role playing.  He will understand that a relationship without frequent seduction and sex acts is simply and genuinely a complicated friendship.

** So clearly, this is all very heavily weighted towards what I disliked about my husband and what he was lacking.  I know that.  Still fun to do.  And important to remember.