I am so angry with my husband.  How much can I tolerate?

This morning he sent me a “good morning” text and I replied with something extremely sweet.  I went out of my way to open up and give love and kindness and closeness to him, in a sexy sweet way.

He replied with some lame ass smiley face with heart shaped eyes and then immediately wrote that he thought he broke his toe.  My soul was crushed a little bit in that moment when he didn’t acknowledge my sweetness and moved on to HIS TOE.  Then told me about something else.

Fucking HELLO?

I’m feeling it.  Feeling like just fucking calling it quits.  Feeling the pressure by means of self preservation, of not giving to him when he takes in such an absurdly childishly immature and non receptive fashion.  I can’t keep giving and giving and giving and being shit on and shit on and shit on some more.

How much can I choose to LOVE HIM and GIVE to him and open my heart up to him and receive his attempts at love when I never know what the result will be.  Will he love me, will he be receptive to my love this time or will he shit on me?  Should I open up and be sweet or will it just end up coming back to hurt me because he won’t acknowledge it.  Should I offer my naked body to him or should I just not bother because of the likely risk that he’ll pass it up to go fold some laundry?  Should I tell him I dreamed of his hands all over my body and the love I was feeling for him or should I not bother because of the strong chance he’ll fucking dismiss it and talk about his broken toe?

He said he was going to call me to be loving voice to voice with me but yet, he had time and opportunity and the thoughtfulness to text about his nightmare and his toe.  Is he the emotional and communication level of a fucking fourth grader?  That is how I’d expect one of my kids to act.  Not my 37 year old husband.  I’m fucking tired of it.

And more importantly, not only am I TIRED of it, I don’t NEED IT.

Temptation is there.  It grows stronger by the day when he continues to shit on me, nastier and grosser shits time after time.  Opportunities become more appealing and temptation becomes harder to resist.

There IS a breaking point.  We talk about it, how I worry what his will be and he worries what mine will be.  I fear that he’s going to give up on me because it’s all just too much work, and he worries the same, about me.  I wonder who will break first and just end this?

I wonder if we can fucking MANAGE to stick in it.

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