I buried the emotion and hurt so deep.  I had sex with him the night of revelealing his infidelities.  I had sex with him 20 days out of a 30 day month.  I never came to grips with this.  I told him things like: “Thanks for choosing to stay with me.”  “You’re doing a great job.”  “I’m so glad you choose me.”  “I’m really proud of you for all that you’re doing.” 

What in the fuck?

It’s bizzare.  Like, unreal, really.  A trainwreck.  I thought my eyes opened up, but they were still 90% shut.  Or maybe my eyes were open to only the good stuff.

When you love somebody, you look for the good, you see the good.  It is when you fall out of love that you start to see the reality of what they’ve done, to themself, to you.  The fall out of love is hard, but it is good to step out of the fog and into real life.