There is no one to save me. No one is going to walk in here as I cry, as I ache and as parts of my soul die. No one is going to scoop me off the ground and piece my heart back together. I am alone.

He doesn’t care enough to apologize. He didn’t care enough to make the right choices to be honest with me. He didn’t care enough to remain faithful to me, to touch me when I asked to be touched, to kiss me like I yearned to be kissed. What hurts the worst though: He doesn’t care enough to apologize.

He didn’t care enough to go to MMSL to get insight and help so specifically that would have brought me so much joy. He didn’t care enough to let his guard down anonomously online to help himself help our relationship.

I know it’s not about me for us. It’s about him for himself and me for myself. But it fucking hurts. I don’t know how to get through this. Every pore is radiating hurt. Every movement, every time I roll out of bed and my feet touch the floor, my heart breaks more.

It’s in pieces. I’m heartbroken. He broke my heart and I broke my heart. He is breaking my fucking heart right at this moment. Why did I believe in him, why did I give him another chance? Why did I give him that warm hug when he returned? Why did I have hope?

I gave myself to him for the last time, and knowing that kills me. Smashes my soul into pieces. I’m broken. Heartbroken. Soulbroken. Devestated. I want someone to save me but I know no one can. Nothing has hurt this badly. Finding out about the cheating, the porn, the prostitutes, the sex, nothing has hurt as badly as knowing he won’t apologize to me for all of the things he has done, all of the lies, the cheating, the pain.

Nothing has hurt as badly as him withholding his emotions this time. I’m all alone, just me and my pieces of heart.

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