What is the difference between a frequently occurring and life-disruptive bad habit and an addiction? My eating is out of control. It overshadows me every hour of every day.

Other, less disruptive problems:
My self destructive behaviors are on the rise.
My depression and withdrawn-ness are and have been on the rise. It can’t get much worse without really ruining the kids after school activities at this point.

Last night I spun and spun and spun around in my brain, sobbing loudly, the heaving, can’t breathe-going to vomit kind of sobbing. The loud kind that makes you pause and hope the kids don’t wake up to mommy screaming. It’s not fucking healthy.

I have this beautiful mask of control and level headedness and rational thinking and togetherness but underneath, I am a mess. Not just a mess, actually. A FUCKING MESS. I see so much that I feel is overwhelming to deal with but know I have to deal with it all.

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