I’m realizing that so much of what I’m dealing with is NOT HIM. It is me. I have so many issues that are far deeper than I have ever acknowledged. My self worth is so low, it is non existant. My sense of self is so low that I don’t know if it ever really existed.

I must change and grow, almost with no regard to him and/or our relationship. It is the only way I can get through the rest of my life is to redeem myself TO myself. And my husband must change too. For his own sake.

If we can change and grow together, both in our own ways, and come back together, then great. But there is a chance we can not. His issues are deep. My issues are deep. We are each our own seperate person with seperate traumatic childhoods, teenage years, etc. He is doing some very intensive work on himself, I do not have the luxury of doing that. My progress will be slower, less intense. I hope he can better himself and I hope I can better myself. Find myself, literally.

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