This is like the death of the man I was married to and knew and loved. But not an easy death, more like a “let me ruin your life right before I die” kind of death. I must mourn the fact that what I knew and loved is gone. GONE.

Never to be known again. I’ve lost all that I invested in his love, his life, in him as a person.

The plan is to “focus on me” but I don’t know- I already do focus on me quite well. I am a hot mess and fucked up in the head like no other, so I need to watch for becoming seriously depressed or overeating, but there’s not much to “do” that I haven’t already been doing.

I work out consistently and eat healthy foods.
I have “friends” here and go out as frequently as I think is healthy- social time at least one evening a week, sometimes me and one friend, sometimes I go to a euchre night at a neighbors.
I wear makeup and attractive clothes.

I need to get a job. Look for something, make something happen.
Somehow.

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