Many conversations were had this weekend about attraction and style and making ones self look good.

I think he gets it a little bit.  Or at least is clsoer to getting it.

He said that on mall trip #3 that I was walking in front of him, looking beautiful, while he was wearing the frumpy clothes he was wearing, and it clicked.  At least something clicked.  He has a very long way to go.  I wonder why the MAP didn’t work on us.  When I started really putting effort into my appearance 4 years ago, hitting the gym hard and getting more into makeup, short skirts, etc., why he didn’t follow along.  It has been hit and miss for me the past 4 years but at least the past ten months since having baby L, I have been really upping my game.  Why hasn’t he seen the need to up his game?  Or react in any way at all?

I don’t know.  He says he “didn’t think it mattered.”  I don’t get it.  And, it hurts me.  It hurts that I can put in so much effort, ALL OF THE TIME, and he puts in no effort in return.  No effort into himself, into me, nothing.  Not until I called him out on his porn.

Because he was just TOO NICE to think of anything sexual in any regard (except constant porn)?  I don’t know.  Lots of unanswered questions.

He now has one pair of jeans that are not a piece of shit and a coat that makes me want to jump him.  We have an understanding.  I will never forget how he looked walking around the mall on Saturday.  Most unattractive man there.  Even his gorgeous face, great haircut and hot body didn’t matter.  He was so poorly dressed I was almost repulsed when I looked around and saw only other men that put effort into their appearances.

This is makeover 2013.  He will never again dress the way he has dressed as husband 1.0.

 

I told him I wish he dressed more stylishly. That he put more effort into his appearance. I know he puts in a lot of effort in the gym, and that’s great, but he’s missing a tremendous opportunity of looking good by dressing like he does. He took this well.

I asked him if he liked it when I looked nice, and put effort into my clothes, face, jewelry, hair, etc. He said yes. I told him, well all you have is clothes- you don’t have to worry about doing your hair every day, putting in contacts, doing your makeup- etc. You have to work out (as do I) and you have to shave some of your face, and you have to get haircuts once a month. He has it easy in this category, compared to me.

So he took it upon himself to put on our calendar Sat. am- shopping at far away mall.

We go. It is a FU.CK.ING. NIGHTMARE. The kids are being unruly and I am EMBARASSED. Of course I’m wearing a short, tight sweater dress, have my hair straightened, makeup, etc. Wearing heeled boots over my holy textured tights. I look good. Because we are going on a “family date” and I want to look good for my man.
Here is what he is wearing. Old white tennis shoes. The man runs 5 miles a day 5 days a week and wears the shit out of his tennis shoes. These are also the shoes he wears when cutting the grass or doing yardwork. THEY ARE HIDEOUS. In fact, they are so beat up and hideous that he no longer wears them to RUN, he has “new” shoes for that. But he reserves these shoes for dates with me??? This is a date. It is something we had to put on the calendar, bring a lunch pail of kid snacks, drive far away for a day at the mall. And this is what he wears. Jeans: The cheapest option of Levis jeans bought at Kohls. Belt: a thin, narrow, smooth belt with a small silver recgangular buckle. Cheapest option: crap. A short sleeve horizontally striped polo shirt also bought at kohls. TUCKED IN with belt visible. AND THEN THE COAT. I don’t even know how to describe this. I do not see any other males wearing a coat like this.
It’s not like a coat that once had style and now has been worn so much- it’s not like an “old” coat, it is “new” it is just the most unstylish coat in existance. It is functional, baggy, has a pointy collar, cuffs around the sleeves- just kind of unbelivably not hot.

I am a frugal girl, I save us money in a million ways but one way that I DO NOT save money is in jeans. Good jeans are worth it. For a girl, shirts don’t have to be pricey to be hot because tight and clevage showing is all that really matters. Paired with good jeans or a skirt and a belt/accessories, shirts don’t matter. But I have $500 in jeans. I used to feel so silly buying such expensive jeans. Especially since my husband did not appreciate them at all. He couldn’t possibly give a shit if I wore sweatpants, didn’t matter to him. But I noticed. I felt it. Other people noticed.

So I am angry with kids behavior, SO ANGRY with all of it, hate big outings with the kids because it’s just a set up for failure and anger. 2 hours in I am walking around like queen bitch. QUEEN bitch. Angry that literally, EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. in the mall is dressed better than my husband. And of course EVERYONE has children that are better behaved. At some point I even cry in frustration.

Car ride home. I’m in ultimate bitch mode. “Why the fuck do we even bother?” I was SO EMBARASSED in the buckle that I could not give him my attention as he tried on jeans. Not to mention I don’t like looking like the woman trying to dress the man. I get over it. We picked out a pair of jeans. It was pretty anticlimatic.
Furious with life, I ask in the car why he wore those shoes today.
“Because I always wear them on weekends.”
Oh. Well, can we stop that?
Him: laughs. Why?
Me: angry: WHYYYYYY???? why do you think?!!!!

I wanted to scream, do you fucking see me? Do you have functional eyeballs?

More conversation ensues. I convey that I am disappointed in his lack of desire to look good.
“I didn’t think it mattered.”

I AM FURIOUS.

I convey that he needs to get a new coat and never wear this coat again. That he should NEVER wear those shoes with me again. Otherwise I will start dressing in sweatpants and wearing fugly shoes all the time too. And forgo makeup or hair styling. BUT OH YEAH, it doesn’t fucking matter to him because “THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT.”

I tell him it is important and convey a full “what the fuck” throughout.

He doesn’t get it.  I become angrier and angrier.

He goes out alone after we get home. He goes shopping for a coat to make me happy.
He buys one. I like it fine. Anything is an improvement.

Next day. We leave the two big kids at home. Out with the two littles is much more doable. We travelled closer to home.
We returned the coat and found a GREAT ONE. I am immediately drawn to him when he dons the new coat.

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