Something about my Gina Gonzales CD always makes me cry. D runs up and climbs on the counter to turn it on and starts rocking out… and I just tear up. The words, the sounds, it is so beautiful.

Life is hard right now. It is exhausting and discouraging and full of hope all at the same time. It is a lot. Sometimes too much. The demands of parenting at this stage are immense.

Today it hits me how much relies on me. A lot relies on my husband too. He has to get up, go to work, be awesome, take charge, put food on the table and pay the mortgage. It’s a lot on him, and for him it is not seasonal. Now all this relationship stuff. We have no family close by, no lifelong family friends we rely on.

I feel a lot of pressure today. Don’t forget a dentist appt time, a gymnastics time, a wrestling time, who’s driving where and when and who’s picking up where. And don’t forget the therapist appts. Don’t forget to arrange the air, car, hotel for his far away therapy. Our relationship issues put me over the edge today and yesterday. Because after a day of managing not to drop any balls in the air… I run in, freshen up my makeup, change my shirt before he sees me. Because I want to be beautiful for him. Becaue I love him. and sometimes it hurts to love him so much.

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