I may be a few things but patient is not one of them.
I am growing so impatient and am biting my tongue every single day trying not to be the overbearing girl that I am.

I don’t know why he married such an overbearing woman? Maybe the same reason I married a man I knew would be sexually neglectful. Just to cause myself more pain? As did he? Life is difficult to understand.

I am growing impatient. He is making so much progress in so many ways and not making progress in other ways. He doesn’t KNOW what to do… it’s not that he is choosing not to do things that I ask but he is simply unaware. I feel like a fucking pest to constantly be all in his face telling him how to be a better man for me. That would be so obnoxious, it could make someone crazy.

Things he has rocked out:
Becoming more vocal during sex. Baby steps. :) Progress is progress. I have many many experiences that seem to get better by the day. He is doing SO GOOD.
Intiiating intimacy in the kitchen, on the couch- not SEX but just being… sexy- many places other than the bedroom. Again, doing SO GOOD.
Actual sex and sexy time: SO GOOD. He is slowing down, paying attention to my breasts (faking it till he makes it I think but I’m accepting that even though it hurts to think of.)
He is letting me do the dishes. Big step. For real. He did anything around the house to avoid real life, real interactions, now he is INTERACTING AND LIVING.
He is letting me do some laundry.
He is sitting on the floor interacting with the children.
He is adding in some very endearing, hopeful, GOOD man things while continuing the sweet things that I have grown to love and appreciate over the years. He is still doing man things beautifully, changing my headlight, taking care of outdoor maintenance, toilet maintenance.
He is holding doors open for me more. Grabbing my hand to hold hands while walking. Nice.

The things I wish I could tell him:
Stop emailling me I love you’s during the day so much. Sometimes is great when it has an extra strong meaning but all the time is just looking needy. Makes me feel exasperated.
Stop emailing and texting me things along the lines of “last night was awesome.” Of course it was awesome, that is what sex is. Somehow this just rubs me the wrong way.
LOOK AT MY BODY. Open your eyes, use your senses and take my in visually. Find the animal inside of you and LOOK at me like you WANT me.
For the love of christ, make eye contact with the waitress. Nothing ruins the mood of a date like this does. I can overlook it for now but PLEASE. Speak loudly so she can hear you. Sit up straight and have good posture. NOt that you must have perfect posture all the time but do not slink back like a mouse at her. Engage people, everywhere. Even the waitress. Any passive slinking is such a turn off, no matter where or who it is with.
You drive when we travel together. You are the man. You fill my gas tank, take care of car maintenance and drive the vehicle. My job is to keep other people happy while you take care of the man aspects/drive, and also, while you are not driving.
Own me. Guard your wife. Guard me from things that will distract me from you. Do not sit smiling when I talk about photographing the incredibly hot alpha men. Speak up. Be uncomfortable with it. Tell me. Show me.

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