The difference between this and an affair is that with an affair, it is all much more clean cut.
With an affair, it is one person, one person getting his attention, his love, his attention, intimacy, interest and passion. With porn, it is just everyone. Celebrities. Porn stars. How hard is it to get on the internet and NOT see something to appeal to your sexual desires… impossible almost.
Even if not PORN porn, hot celebrities in provocative clothing, bikini photos, making sexy faces, dressed sexy, whatever. Sex appeal is all over. And if porn and imagery is his addiction, I am actually beginning to think it really may be harder in some ways to get through than a one-person affair.

Granted, it is a different set of problems. With porn, he is not “in love” with anyone. He can remain emotionally isolated and withhold his withdrawl from EVERYONE, not just from me to give to an affair woman. So I don’t know. He learns that he can jack off with his hand, while envisisioning a STD ridden blonde with huge nasty tits, or some A list celebrity that a million other men spank it to. So why bother engaging in, well, ANYTHING, really? Seems like such a pain. So the withdrawing from relationships and constant/frequent masturbation ENABLES the withdrawl from his marriage.

I’ve realized that relationships are BASED ON sex appeal. That’s right, I said it.
The one thing that attracts any man to any woman BEFORE anything else is her sex appeal. Something about her draws him to her, and it’s not her personality, the great way she dresses (although of course dressing provacatively is a factor for that initial approach/appeal), it’s not her job, her car, or where she lives. It’s not how many sex partners she has had, where she lives, how well she cooks, cleans or how domestic (or not) she is. It is her sex appeal. TheE FIRST THING is always sex appeal.

Some men (and women) will deny it. Oh, they could tell she was smart, they could tell she was a career woman, they could tell she would be a domestic goddess. But when it comes down to it, those folks need to get over themselves. It is her sex appeal.
EVERYTHING. ELSE. IS. SECONDARY. A man will learn about all of her other wonderful traits as they get acquainted.
But sex appeal is first.

So what does that mean, it means that sex MUST BE PRESENT and APPEAL must be present in a long term relationship. Period.
If sex is not present and if both parties do not act appealing to and physically/sexually interested in the other, well, it is pretty much doomed. Maybe it need not be daily, but there really is no reason it shouldn’t be.

Marriage is not about equal partners. Equality never works, it doesn’t make sense. Just like in any position in life, there is a heirarchy, there needs to always be a heirarchy. People need to have roles, guidelines, expectations.

When I am here, putting in the motherfucking effort day after god damn day and he is here showing up, trying to smile, grin and bear it through passionless sex, etc etc., I just don’t see it as worthwhile.

YES I very much appreciate all that he does offer. I do. But when it comes down to it, if this connection of the past, what, four days can’t last, then I’m out. EAsier said than done, I know. But I feel it. I have a feeling things WILL get better. I am not being stupid about it, I know it will take time…. he is not doing this for me, he is doing this because HE doesn’t want to break up our family. HE doesn’t want to ruin his finances, HE wants to actually be present in life and enjoy life (and maybe even sex.) HE wants to be respectful of me. He does want ME, maybe that is more in his head than in real life, but it’s not all “for” me, if that makes sense. Which is good I think.

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