between last night and all day today, i feel hope for my marriage.

It coulud be the fact that it is christmas, and I can sometimes be a naieve idiot, but I see real possibility of change. Improvement. Growth, and HOPE.

SO MUCH is happening throughout each day, we sneak bits of conversation in when all kids are in the basement and baby is asleep, at night we stay up from 9 or 10 until midnight talking…. I think 2 nights ago was amazing conversation and touching in bed, and the next morning he was acting a tiny bit cool, so I got upset about that…. but we discussed, smooth sailing since then. smooth sailing as in, I haven’t been in a constant state of rolling my eyes when he is trying to be engaged. I haven’t been angry, haven’t dry heaved, haven’t even cried. lots of distractions, but still. time will tell, but today, last night- I feel hope.

he is going to the treatment center in a few weeks. well, really several weeks, they’re booked in advance and we have to wait until into feb. huge financial (and time-off work for him) undertaking but worth it.

someone said that i’m acting on emotions rather than just taking the facts for their face value. this is true, ESPECIALLY when things are “good” (as in, not falling apart.) i recognize this, and while i may be grateful for things being “ok” my eyes are still very wide open.