you know what i’ve tried doing?  i’ve tried to prompt him when there is “something” he should notice and comment on.  like when i put on something extra hot, lots of clevage, put on sexy makeup, am wearing my tightest jeans or a short skirt and walk into the room he is in.  And he doesn’t notice/comment/see me.  I will prompt him to notice and say something, show some observation.  like a fucking dog.  “honey… notice.” “hello, can you see me?”  and then he gets his funny voice, smiles in the not-really-smiling way and will say “you look nice honey.  i like that shirt.”  WOW.  REALLY?  do you fucking have a penis????  is there anything that turns you on, any moment that you FUCK.ING.SEE.WHAT.YOU.CAN.HAVE.ANY.TIME.YOU.WANT??

any man with a healthy penis would have noticed me already, and not only comment on me to make me feel attractive and desired, but TAKE ME and have his way with me.  and if the kids are around, then sure.  wait until the opportunity and then ravage me.

my husband: nothing.

I told him 2 nights ago, the night it all went down, i said our secret code for referencing that i wanted sex.  he admitted that when he heard the word, he cringed inside.  he thought in his head, “i just wanted to relax and go to sleep.”  this is what i live with.

this is how i have ENABLED him though.  he knows i recognize his inability to express emotion/desire/sexuality but i *work with him* constantly to try to “help him” thus probably enablilng and reinforcing his disgusting behavior.  he deals with what i ask of him, and then jacks off seperately and frequently, never giving me his love in any substantial way.  i see it.  i am starting to see the reality of it all.

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